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sid_the_kid
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Name: Shane
Country: United States
State: Maine
Birthday: 11/12/1987
Interests: Martial Arts
Video games
Things that I enjoy doing
Expertise: Sharpening things.
Fire.
The things I am best at
Message: message me
AIM:  shaned64
Member Since:
8/11/2004
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| "did you hang out with chris?" "yes.." this is the part where i complain until i fucking stab myself in the fucking arm about heather. but i think having yelled FUCK extremely loud upon leaving her house and puching the car was a much more mature and generally satisfying thing to do. i may feel so inclined to produce the whole story on here but i don't know yet. strangely enough though i can't seem to bring myself to cry over it. more of a rage feeling over how i feel betrayed about having put forth so much effort to see that it was not reciprocated except with hollow sex and her hard decision to leave everyone up north while she moved down. big fucking deal its not like she wouldn't be able to go back home to see anyone. on my way out she wished me a merry christmas in a generally sincere way. i didn't respond but i wish i had said "fuck you." and left. o well. I might continue this a little later on. | | |
| FUCK YOU. there i said it finally. god damn that feels good. you are a fucking liar. i can't wait to be rid of you. mother fucking CUNT.
fucking happy holidays.
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| I don't know what i'm doing anymore. i'm in this tinted glass house where i can see everything on the outside but the outside can't see in. being in georgia is more isolating then i had guessed it would be. i can't seem to shake the "i miss the old ways" mentality and realize what i have going on around me. i've only got a short while before i am able to break out of this house and never have to return.
I have figured out the main reason why I hate the army. aside from the mindless bs i have to live with day in and day out, the reason that drives everyone to either stay in or get out is that the army isolates you from who you used to be and makes it almost impossible to go back to. people stay in if they either had nothing before, are running from something, or falsely believe things will change. you can put tons of work and time and effort into making the most out of it but you don't have that same human connection that you might of had beforehand. friendships seem surface level here. besides a couple people who i've managed to get to know pretty well. at least better than anyone else i've had any luck with so far. I thought it would change over time but it hasn't yet. one more deployment than I can carryout my own life once and for all. I've waited to long and been held back to finally accomplish this and starting with the trip home I am not going to hold back and wait for something to change for my benefit. I know what I have to do. I can't expect anything immediatly because i still have like 18 months left but we well see.
PEACE,
Shane Davis
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| oh well... enough of that.
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| haha. i have a lot on my mind. thank you xanga for providing a somewhat secrective way to express my inner termoil without actually telling anyone. ha.
SO first thing first i got way to lazy to make a second part so whatever.
I will start off from last monday!
6pm i go to bed. yes pm. 1am i wake up to Ji at my door getting me up so we can leave on our Leave journey. i pack my stuff of course forgetting the key important thigns like the engagement ring so i can show Lynn, the ps3 to entertain myself, swimming pants, AND my gps. off to a good start. like 3:00am we arrive at the Jacksonville airport where i drop him off. Now i am driving his badass car. He had a badass gps in it. which when i realized after i dropped him off he took his so i was left directionless trying to painstackingly come up from recall of when heather and i made the trip how to get to my sisters. two minutes of that failure i went across a Hotel and promptly pulled over to ask to use hteir computers to print directions. so i was set. i did have to pull over and some period in time and sleep for two hours because i was os damn tired. but i eventually made it about 10:30. the week was filled with a lot of lull time, relaxing, movies, the beach a couple times, racing a Dodge Viper (and losing), unable to enjoy the happy substance known as marijuana. learning about more of the comic value of youtube which i had very much been missing out on. for that week or so i actually felt comfortable knowning i didn't have to do a damn thing. so i made the epic journey back home on friday and just ended up hanging out with Eric every day basically. Easter rolls around and wingate and I share in on their family dinner and stay to hang out late to watch movies and whatnot.
when i returned it was like the first step of bad news. heather leaves me a message telling me that she got arrested. not filling in on the details or anything. i honestly am not mad at her for it, i laughed when i found out, not at her disadvantage or anything, i dunno why. well she texted me too to tell me she will call me monday to fill me in.
NEXT morning. i wake up early already disapointed because it looks like its going to rain so my bike is now not an option for the day's activites. so wingate and i decided to go to the savannah mall to get some coffee and kill time. I get a call from Eric's wife Jennifer that Eric's dad, who i met last weekend when he and eric's siblings came down to visit, just shot and killed himself. So now eric is super depressed. I consider him to be like my best friend because for some reason or another we are the only people who have never gotten on each others nerves, we know the most about each other, and don't have the perception of the army person. For instance. if say you were to join the army you would be traveling quite a bit meeting quite a few new people who you would "know". Bascially you're only seeing their army face. not who the were or are back in the real world because the army is not the real world. it seems like its some big made up world which just happens to be really bad. now eric and i come across the problem that it is impossible to explain the level of how bad the army is because it sounds like, when we try to explain it, that we are in fact doing nothing. which is part of the problem. but anyway. eric is now very depressed and immediatly has to return home. I was already partioned to go to jacksonville to pick up Ji from the airport from his leave so i wasn't really able to provide my level of moral support. and my first thought was to go to michigan with him. even though i hardly knew his dad at all. but that would never happen. i don't know what the count is at or if you can really keep count of the bad things that are going on throughout the day but wingate and i arrive at the airport a little bit early and i don't want ot park in the garage. As soon as we arrive there Ji calls me to tell me his flight has been delayed. I was informed on my way down to Jacksonville that fort stewart was now recieving a Tornado warning. a warning in which a tornado was spotted and everyone take cover. but i was happy not there. Ji was suffering because his flight wouldn't leave so now i am starting to worry about the fact that i have to get a haircut (which isn't really a big deal) for tomorrow, and make sure my uniforms are ready and like a general sense of readiness for the next day because i have to be ready for work, that feeling was starting to creep up on me. slowly but surely. all the time patiently awaiting heather's phone call above this over hanging feeling some bad news about our marriage might be screwed up by this. Ji finally arrives and we eventually make our way back. I go to drop off my gps and provide my little like 30 minutes moral support before Eric and his family take off for home. that's all the time i was afforded to see how my best friend was doing coping with the death of his father before he left. I relluctantly returned to my shitty barracks room where my horrible rooomate turner awaited so i could finish getting ready. at 11pm i said fuck it, didn't get a haircut, didn't really get my uniforms ready, and gave up on heather calling me. So i lay down to go to bed... NOT 5 MINUTES later i get a call from her. she explained the situation and it was just as i predicted, it was by some outside force that something happened. that force being Fee's mom. so i remained dissapointed that it happened but not angry. but the one thing that kind of topped that whole night off was that her court date is May 12th... 5 days before she and her mom and andrew were to come down to see her step sister graduate and a couple days later or so we were going get married. Which is now completely unpredicable under these circumstances. monday was the fucking worst day i've had in.... ever. really. Wenger's suicide is a close number 2. today i was rewarded with my stressing out by having an appointment at the eye place so i had the entire afternoon off and this morning we didn't do a damn thing anyway. so today was an additional day off which i am quite happy for....
but my motorcycle won't start now either.
wtf. seriously. 1 fucking day of madness oo yeah... i also overdrew on my account again so i am in the negative so my paycheck, tomorrow, just got cut pretty good. FUCKING god fucking dammit.
Fuck fort stewart. fuck the army. it has got to be this place. I have never gotten more hurt than here... not even doing anything. i have never thought that i have wasted so much fucking time in my life doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING important or usefull in anyfucking way.
I am seriously looking at talking to a recruiter to see if i can't get the fuck away from this place. the pleasent thing about that is i am not extending my contract at all. I do get to move out of my horrible barracks room for a much more pleasent one. because i cannot bear to get in trouble for Turner. I don't think i've been this close to just punching someone in the fucking face than that fat, lazy, dirty, mother fucker. ARGH......!
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